iT'S oFFICIAL

The boy will not take part in his graduating ceremonies. Hubby went to school and talked with the vice principal and learning director and they were sorry to say that he will not be participating. Hubby called around 2:30 and let me have the bad news. I cried. I cried at the desk. I cried in the bathroom. I went out to the car and I cried. I cried to big sis. I cried on the way home from work. I cried at home. I cried at Home Depot. I cried at the restaurant....and I cried when I got home. I can't help it. I promised myself one good day of crying and I sure took it.

I know things could be worse. Sis told me that and then forwarded me a link that was about a couple losing their 19 yr old daughter. I cried for them too.

That's it. What's done is done. I was very emotional today and I'll get thru this with the boy. It's not life threathening. It's not death. It's not sickness. It's not drugs or alcohol. I should be happy that its not any of those things. It's time to put things in perspective and get over it.

At least he'll graduate. It's only 8th grade. We still have Senior graduation. You bet your asses that I'll be on his until then. :)

hAPPY b dAY tO mE

Yep. it was my birthday yesterday. It didn't even seem like it. It was a busy day. Got up early cause the girl had try outs for her new cheer team and had to be there by 8:45. Way to early to get up on your birthday or a Saturday. Hubby and I decided to travel up the mountain and go to a casino and celebrate. We drove the 40 minutes up there and I lost my allotment of money in a record 55 minutes. I spent 265.00 in under an hour. What a crock of shit. Hubby sat at the 5.00 miniumum 21 table and sat there for the next 4 hrs playing off his 20 bucks. Thank God he won. He came out of there with 175.00 so we didn't lose too much.

Today was a much quieter day. I went up to big town and went shopping with friend L for her cruise. Man that was some shopping. She swears she's a size 8 but none of those 8's seemed to be fitting and had to go to a 13. 8 my ass. It was funny.

Another day another birthday. Except instead of turning 35, I've decided to subrtact 5 yrs off my real age each b day. Yesterday I turned 30! Go me!!!

Well well well....it has been a long time. I haven't written in a week. And believe me it wasn't cause I didn't have anything to say.

Let's see:

On the way up to the big city, we were going to stop by the granite people (AGAIN)
and then go to a friends new house. and on the way up there, hubby says....
"i didn't want to ruin your Easter weekend with your family but I have to tell you
something"....
well as we all know that never starts out good. so as I'm sitting there with a bowling ball in my stomach of nerves, he says...."i got a letter from the school on friday....the boy isn't going to walk for graduation". he got an F (in computer class of all classes) and they won't let him walk cause you can't have any F's on your 3rd qtr grades. sooooo...after yelling at the boy on the phone for a good 20 minutes, we turned around and had ourselves an old fashioned intervention with him and the 3 of us talked for like 2 1/2 hrs. after that I was mentally and physically (crying/screaming) drained.

During the conversations we asked himm if there were any problems and if we could help out anyway. He didn't say anything and he started to cry. Big sobbing cries. We started to worry. Well it turns out that he's got some issues. Not horrible or anything, just that he has issues with his dad and its eating him up. It was soooo sad. Hubby was really really good and they talked a lot and i sat there a lot. Hubby basically said, i can take it if you hate me, i don't mind...as long as i'm there to push you and make you a better person Take out all your frustrations out on me. if you have anger or hate, fine, but u need to do something about it...you feel the need to try
me....step on up. i'll be here. all boys r gonna try their fathers at least once... a whole bunch of talking...it was intense to say the least.

Yeah basically, he has a lot of anger and hurt in him and problems with his dad. The boy is sensitive and emotional....whilst his dad is nothing like that. Its like water and oil mixing...they just don't. If you ask anyone the boy is the most polite and thoughtful kid you'd ever want to meet. Teachers,adults, relatives, strangers.

I think a part of it is that he has a very good imagination (now this is on top of the bad relationship he has with his father) but his imagination is good and he's always writing stories about other worlds and gods and demons...i think he believes in those tooo much. Not in the way that he see's these creatures or shit like that....just that he thinks that the world or problems should be resolved in a 1/2 hr animae or 5 chpater book. Kind of scary but not. I can relate to him. i've been there. he's very much like me and in ways i know where he's coming from.

In the beginning since he's been 7 yrs old, he's always wanted to write. He wants to write and animate. Animae is his thing and he's really good at it. I've always encouraged him in his writing cause its what he likes to do. I never said, son, don't think you should be writing about those things cause i didn't want him to think that what he enjoys is something that's bad. Now that's my downfall. I encouraged him so much and overly did it cause his father didn't so i was like trying to make up for his lack of it.

So, I'll trudge along. Get the boy into some kind of therapy and maybe even all of us and we'll start from there. You never know when life is gonna throw you a curve ball. Damn.

bOARDS

Lookie lookie....I have boards now. We're getting closer and closer. With all the rain, hubby isn't working so he's actually made some progress. Blowjob is ready to come out any day and start doing something. What I don't know, but something is happening.





Pic as of april 11th

sO iT cHANGED aGAIN.....

I knew it would....just a matter of time people. Yep, Marcos Stewart had a change of heart and actually let me choose the granite this time....with the help of R of course, we man-handled him into going with what we liked. We went back to Blowjob (his name is BJ) and wrote our name on the slab that we want. Well...Well...Well...Blowjob just called and said the one we picked out was $300 more....well of course it was. I said get it. I'm tired. I was tired of this 3 months ago. So without further ado.......here's the new color

wHAT aM i lISTENING tO tONIGHT

Nothing going one right now. A quiet night with my still sober hubby. Weekend #2 is about to get under way. So far. So good.
Here is a list that is playing right now while I'm typing.

Not the Dr - Alanis
This is How it Goes - Aimee Mann
The Boxer -Simon & Garfunkel
Srong - Velvet Chain
Wild Horses - The Sundays
Blue Bayou - Linda Ronstandt
Pavlov's Bell - Aimee Mann
America - Simon & Garfunkel
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
Temptation Waits - Garbage
Translyvania Concubine - Rasputina
It Came from Japan - the VonBondies
Send in the Clowns - Judy Collins

wow, what the fuck?? who listens to this shit except me???

***Your Famous Last Words Will Be:***








"I can pass this guy."

tHE dRIVE fROM hELL

Driving to work this morning, minding my own business, running late as usual. Me being in the middle lane, a truck pulls up on the slow lane next to me. Keeping time with my car. Now, I never liked that, I hate when cars ride along at the same speed with me. I slow down, he slowed down. I sped up...he sped up. What the fuck?! I quickly look over and he nods his head. What the fuck ever dude...I'm late for work. We keep driving. The next 20 miles he's still there. I'm not liking it. He's behind me, but not too far. I get off the main freeway and head off onto another....here he comes. I get off on another freeway...hey look , there he is. Sooooo, I'm getting off the third freeway change and, you guessed it, he's there. Right behind me. I swear to God, I'm not panicking just yet, but I'm getting a little worried.

Ok, tra-la-la-la...i'm driving...i'm looking. There HE is!!! I give up by now and I call work to let them know I've been followed from my hometown to here. I thought they would laugh at me but they were worried too. I told him that if this truck turns down my little street, then I'm going to start crying. Sure enought he turns, the guys say hurry up and pull in. I do and he drives past real slow. I pull into my parking space and all my guys (4 in total) are standing around my car waiting for me. It was soo sweet. My knights in shining polos. I get out and I hear the roar of the truck engine actually pulling into the parking lot. My hands are shaking, my heart is in my throat. He pulls up and I back up as my guys walk towards. Sooo manly. I look into the truck and I shake my head at him and I tell the guys, "I don't know him". They proceed to walk to the truck and the driver finally jumps out and yells, "Julie? Is n't that you? It's me....."
Holy fuck, it was a name from the past. I did know him. I was seeing him when hubby and I was going thru our divorce.......13 yrs ago!!!!!!!

My guys look at me for confirmation and I nod my head. I swear , right out of a fucking movie. He stands there and tells me that he just came back to town and has 2 kids of his own...blah blah blah. I tell him he scared the fuck out of me and i make sure to tell him that I'm still married, bought a home and has 2 kids now.

I swear what a day. I was shaking the entire time I retold this story to the guys. They had a good laugh. How sad am I that I didn't even recognize him...and how fucking weird for him to follow me that long of a ways. (30 miles total)

so people (well, big sis, since she's the only one that reads this) if I turn up missing one day, you know who to look out for.....hee hee