Ramblings of a Mad Piggie

Monday, December 04, 2006


I got the update on the boys progress. Wasn't good. Fail. Fail.Fail. D. Fail.
Off to continuation school he goes.
Report cards go out next friday and if he doesn't bring some of those up, he goes.
So after my nervous breakdown with crying and screaming all the way home, I spoke with the boy and it was decided that the boy would go live with Gma for awhile.
He actually told me that it would probably be better because he feels "cramped" and Gma would make sure she was there to make him do his homework.
I was the to say the least floored. It was either this or quit my job and make sure I was there when he came home and hold his hand while he did his work.
Now, its not a permanet thing. It will be a semi-move.
He will get dropped off at Gma's house Sunday night and go to her house Mon-Wed. Thursday after school he will come home here and stay until Sunday.
Maybe he does need a break and quite sadly, maybe I do too. After today, I know I lost it (not in front of him, but I'm sure he heard the wailing thru the walls) and it was upsetting the girl something awful too. The hubby actually tried to make things better and he spent the better part of the night on the phone with Gma and with the boy in his room. Maybe if he steps back and hubby steps back and see that they actually do have some sort of relationship, things may get better. Hell for me too. He told me that we're too much alike and that's why its not good to be around each other too much.
I failed.
The person who usually knows the answers and can help out everyone with their own problems (except mine of course) has failed her only son.
I feel like shit. I hate myself right now and I can't get over the feeling of such failure.
I dont' care what people say or how they're going to look at it. I only know that I'm trying to do anything and everything to make sure that the boy gets his education and goes on with a productive life. He's only 14 years old for christ's sake. If he's ok with this...from being away from his sister and mom ( I can't include Dad, cause it probably is good that they don't have too much interaction anyways) then I'm going to be fine about this. It's not like he's moving to another city or anything.....Gma lives like 5 blocks away for fuck sake. But knowing that he won't be there to say "goodnight" or yell at him in the morning to move his butt out of bed in the mornings will be hard.
Good news is that he's only 2 weeks away from xmas vacation and then he will spend those 2 weeks with us. AFter that its one week at school and then its off to Hawaii.
I'm hoping this will work. I'm hoping that he doesn't think I'm trying to "get rid" of him. I'm hoping a lot of things.
When saying good night to him, he asked if I was ok with this and I told him that if he thought this was what was going to help him , then I was fine with it (of course crying while saying it probably didn't reassure him).
I just can't belive that we're doing this.
It will be temporary. If I see my mom not being able to take this, then I will think of something else.

I'm tired and my eyes hurt and my head is pounding. I haven't stopped crying since 4 this afternoon.


At 8:07 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You shouldn't feel like you've failed! You haven't failed! 14 year old boys are full of hormones, they are rebellious and its a tough age...they don't want to be mommies little boy anymore but they don't know how to be a man yet...I'm sure he's thinking he wants out from under mom's rules and gma will be a push over and he will have the freedom that he wants...hopefully gma won't make things too easy for him!

I could ramble about this topic for hours but the bottom line is, I don't think you've done anything wrong and a break will be good for the whole family...Absence make the heart grow fonder!

Be strong and keep a positive attitude, a beautiful tropical vacation is right around the corner!

At 8:45 AM , Blogger gordaboo said...

Thanks!!! That was a nice thing to read.
I'm thinking that he thinks that he'll get to "relax" at Gma's. Gma has learned to be pretty tough sometimes, he's in for a surprise I think.


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